Feb, 1st 2013

There are so many things I intend to talk about, but I don't know if I'll write them down all, because y'know, I have this bad habit of getting bored in the middle of something.

I wanted to write this morning, but I didn't, because I didn't know what color to use. I was busy RE-MAKING my optical-art anyway. It's sad, because my huge previous one was almost done but it was soaked by some water mineral. I don't know whose, it could be just mine. I intended to cry when I found out about it, and I probably did, but then I'm getting through to accept that the incident was bad after all. And incidentally, I chose old green--I mean deep green?--because I could not think of other colors. I was thinking to choose pink because it's February, but I've used it last month and I'm not going to use the same color twice (and green's actually pretty damn okay too).

I'm now reading The Fault In Our Stars, a book that
my friend has insisted me to read. So far so good, even though I haven't read one-fourth of it. It's about these two teenagers who were diagnosed cancers, and they eventually fell in love with each other (they haven't, but I can just tell that they will). I am utterly amazed by the plot, because all the fictions I've read about cancers before were the cancer was only one-sided, while the other boy/girlfriend tried to help them through it. I'm not saying that I don't like that kind of plot, because truthfully I do. It's just amazing and never fails to make me wonder if that kind of thing actually happens in real life. Like, say there's a boy who suffers from cancer and he has a girlfriend who actually doesn't care if he literally is sick and loves him unconditionally. I guess this kind of stuff only happens in fiction, but we will never know. There are seven billions people out there I don't know.

So anyway, I think I'm starting to get attached to fictional literature. I love how they are able to control my emotion most of the time. I feel like fiction is my new best friend. Nevertheless, I love the happy-ending ones most. They provoke me re-thinking and re-visiting the whole story inside my head over and over and over again and truth to be told, it feels actually feels good. But, The Fault In Our Stars is a sad-ending kind of one, that was what Salma told me. I don't really mind actually, because when I read a sad-ending story I cry, and after I cry I'll laugh so hard to myself because fiction never ceases to amaze me in every way possible. And also, don't worry, I like crying. Therefore, it will not matter after all.

And also, I think I'm starting to be able to accept, and embrace every little thing in life. From what I've read and watched, I am actually pretty lucky because I have things other people don't. I'm glad that my lung does not suck at being lung and my right leg still works perfectly and my eyes are simply still attached to my face, and that I am probably one of the healthiest people in the world. And also,  I think I need to learn that being different is perfectly okay, too. You can not be like other people, nor you can please them all.

I really want to talk about this friend who lives in Michigan and his intelligence, but I'm getting real tired and bored right now. I just want to hide my nose in a book and get to sleep ASAP. Good night. :) !!


Feb, 2nd 2013

I am bursting into tears right now. I just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars and I was crying so hard during it. (Incidentally, I cried, not bursting, because nothing really bursts, that's what John Green said, and now I'm thinking he's like the very version of Peter Van Houten without the drunk and insane part). So anyway, Augustus died. He finally died from cancer. I knew it all along that Hazel and he would never be together, but I still think that this was utterly unfair. Hazel said that she was grateful for having an infinite time with him (I think she did), however, but I do wish that they'd have more infinite.

I love Augustus so much (who wouldn't love people who corrects their own eulogy anyway? That's just weird...) for teaching that a good life needs not to be a long one. And also, he said that even cancer is not a bad guy really: Cancer just wants to be alive (which sounds a lot more cruel to me). He also constantly told that the world is not a wish-granting. Not everything will always go the way we want them to be. I also love Peter Van Houten (although he was a total douche and so close to going insane and liked Swedish hip hop), but he made people realize that there's a thing about pain; it demands to be felt. We can not ignore pain, no matter how hard we try. I'm also glad that he delivered what Shakespeare said about finding the fault in our stars. I even love Isaac, he is cool and emotional at the same time. I cried so hard when he read the eulogy: "When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I don't want to see a world without him (Augustus)." Even though he said a contrast sentence after that, I still love him anyway. I love Hazel's parents too; how her dad  wasn't afraid to show his emotion and how her mother eventually realized that it didn't matter if Hazel was alive or dead she would always be Hazel's mom and that will never change, ever.

But really, there's just nothing I should worry about them. Or Hazel, in this case. I don't have to worry or wonder if she'll happily live without Augustus, or even if she'll live, since she had cancer too. That's okay, I don't have to fret. She is a fiction, so is Augustus, and nothing happens to fiction. So basically, I don't have to be sad, because Augustus didn't die after all. He did not even exist. I'm just saying, and hoping, that if there are any Hazels or Augustus's out there, I do hope they will get their infinite time much, much more than Augustus and Hazel in the book did. And, I'm still crying right now, because I just can't accept that the story has to end that way, but you don't have to worry. I told you I like to cry.
Good night.

P.s: I was right yesterday, they did fall in love with each other. They really did.